Surefire conversation stoppers

Well, in a way, aren't we all?
Well, why would you?
Well, why wouldn't you?
A good time was had by me.
Well, in this day and age, who isn't?
That's what you said next week.
Really? Well, in that case, blah blah blah!
Yeah, but that's what they told Mozart.
How about now?
Well, there's 20 minutes of my life I'll never get back.
Your head looks funny in this light.
That was Zen. This is now.
How is that not a non sequitur?
I think the air just got let out of this room.
The end
Now I REALLY have to go to the bathroom.
Compared to what?
Excellent. So my nefarious plan is working.
The critic isn't going to notice.
Well, for YOU.

That's why composers make the big bucks.
Yeah, just like in real life.
I've come to make fun of your head.
Don't break your arm patting yourself on the back.
Oh, if I had a nickel for every time someone said THAT to me...
I like to say "poop."

I want to rub it all over my body.
"Poop" spelled upside down is "dood."
"Otto" spelled inside out is "toot."
That's a very Then thing to thay.
But am I bitter? Lick me and find out.